It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
