his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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