So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
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Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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