I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
