you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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