god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
