My boss' voice literally gives me gas
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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