If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
