I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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