i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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