Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
