Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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