i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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