I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
