I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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