a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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