Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
