I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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