My cat gives me a boner
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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