Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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