my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
