are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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