Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
