apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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