he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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