The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize