Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
