I miss vodka workout Fridays
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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