maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i think i have herpe
just one?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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