I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
