I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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