that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
