I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
