we're chasing vodka with high fives
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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