his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
