Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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