I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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