just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
