If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
