Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
