when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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