I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
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My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!