Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
