4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
