I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So squirting runs in the family.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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