You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
