She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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