If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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