just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
