Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
