So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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