butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
