Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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