I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
