mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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