You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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