Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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