I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
