When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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