At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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