I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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