Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
