Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
