my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
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you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
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I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
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