the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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