Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
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Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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