I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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