he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
