summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
